WOW it’s been a while. i’m back and i’ve lost 18lbs!!!! im on my way to my goal, only 22 more to go.

here is my intake/outake as of 11am (will edit later)

B

1 cup oatmeal (147)

1 glass of skim milk (91)

that should be it for the day since i’ve lost my appetite because of the new depression meds i’m taking. the down side is i never have energy to work out anymore because of the meds also. but i’ll get there.

going to the Caribbean tonight for the rest of the week!! can’t wait for some sun.

please be out there?

did horrible on a math test.

ate popcorn. (300)

ugh… so much for fasting. 

PRETZELS (100)

PEPPERMINT ICE CREAM (200)

got a massage today.

good day in total good day good day

been slacking the past few days. got into college, but before that sorta had a few depressed dark days hiding in my room.

Intake:

ACCORDING TO PF CHANGS WEBSITE NUTRITION INFO:

1 lettuce wrap (140)

3 dumplings (210)

white rice (75)

egg drop soup (70)

noodles (100)

2oz dipping sauce (50)

skim milk (80)

Total: 725

Outtake:

Elliptical 30min (-387)

725-387 = 338

I still feel super full. but my dad brought it home for me as a congratulations for getting into college, i decided to allow myself tonight. i will probably purge later.

FASTING TOMORROW AND WORKING OUT AFTER SCHOOL

yesterday (12/9/10) was not a good day food-wise or life-wise. I dislocated my shoulder and might have to get surgery…. i’m finding out from college next week…. the combination of stress i put on myself and work is having on me made me want to eat. i felt bad for myself.

i know that’s not an excuse, but it’s what happened.

TODAY’S INTAKE:

B: 2 cups black coffee (10)

L: 10 pretzels (120)

Dab of hummus (75)

Snack: Cheezits (210)

D: n/a

TOTAL: 410

Therapy after school and massage tonight, cant work out til i go to my orthopedist NEXT WEEK. must not eat until then lol

B

1/2  thin slice of banana bread (100) (MOM PLEASE THROW IT AWAY)

L (purged most of it)

 hummus (250)

10 thin unsalted pretzels (100)

pita bread (165)

sour patch kids (200)

Snack whaaaat…..

chai latte nonfat milk 12oz (150 cals)

D (purged)

small small bowl homemade healthy fried rice (250) (mom made it special for ME and literally begged me to eat it) purged

glass of skim milk (80)

TOTAL: 713 [i gave myself half of the calories for all the items i purged even though i got them out of my system, it’s always better to round up so u dont underestimate how much you’ve actually consumed]

funny how i thought i could spend my lunch free in the cafeteria talking to my friends instead of

A. doing any work / anything productive

B. avoiding food in the library

C. going to the gym

D. having self fucking control

i fasted until 8pm (what a failure i am)

small bowl of homemade corn chowder (300)

thick slice of banana bread (250)

handful of pumpkin seeds (100)

couscous (300)

1 bite of a bagel (75)

total: 1025

WTF i had that all at once…. that’s so disgusting.

at least i had my personal trainer today, she kicked my ass! but still. i’m going in the wrong direction. last week i fasted for 4 days… i need to do that again this week. no more joking around. also, i need to push myself to go to the gym and not tell myself “oh tomorrow… oh the next day… etc.” i’m lazy and fat and need to improve my mentality if i’m going to lose at least 10 more lbs by xmas. 

everyone, thanks for following it really means a lot to know i have support out there. when i feel comfortable enough and maybe have lost like 5-7 more lbs i’m going to post some pictures of my body. it’s smaller, i’ve lost a lot of weight from my fast. but i’m no where near where i want to be.

xoxo

B- banana bread slice (250)

L- small handful of pumpkin seeds (100)

D- n/a

i have much to do today so i am going to try and stay distracted and not eat anything else!!!!!! i have the motivation. Monday, I am fasting again… it feels so good.

i had two eggs and half a bagel with my grandmother for brunch

went out to dinner with just my mom and had 1/2 a side caesar salad without dressing or cheese (so basically lettuce)

i feel really gross but it wasnt a TERRIBLE day.

2 eggs (180)

1/2 bagel (150)

salad (40)

Total: 370

i got a new camera and a new winter jacket that is going to keep me really warm! :) 

i’m not in love with anyone. i don’t have any crushes or anyone who i can sincerely see myself with. i’m hopeless and alone.